What goes around...

Someone I know just found out that he has lung cancer. It's rather sad and I have to feel sorry for him even though he's such an ass. This man wrecked a lot of havoc on someone in my family. But I still feel sorry for him because his is such a life wasted.

By all views he would be considered a successful man. He has money, he had reached the pinnacle of his career and then threw it all away on a risky deal making even more money. He had the Midas touch. In reality, he wasn't very successful. He has wonderful adult sons that are back in his life, but because he abandoned them he can't look at them with pride and say "I had something to do with them becoming good men." He had a wife that he didn't appreciate until it was too late. He had money that he couldn't enjoy because he was scared it would all go away. He lived in fear, in fear of life. He was saying that he was going to travel with the few years that he had left. He always wanted to go to South Africa and to Scotland to play golf at St. Andrews. The sad part is there was nothing stopping him from doing those things before except himself. He had the money, he had the time, he had everything! I always say that they never speak of your career at your funeral, only of your character.

It's sad that it took looking at death for him to understand what life is all about.

New Orleans

It pains me to watch the devastation down south, I just can't watch it. I've been through quite a few hurricanes, having lived in Florida, but this was the worst I've ever seen. I was in New Orleans for 2 weeks for school a few years back. New Orleans is the headquarters for the US Navy Reserve and a lot of our school are there. I look at the streets that I walked, now under tons of water and it's just heart wrenching. That is one of the poorest regions of the US and many of those people have no insurance. How are they going to survive? I wish that I could do more than just send money, I feel very helpless.

BTW

I noticed that both USA Today and another publication fixed their Brockville faux paux the day after I sent an e-mail. Ah...the power.

On another note, I finally got a comment on my blog and it was only a bloody excuse to put in a hyperlink to someone advertising low mortgage rates! So much for the power. The only comments I get is a spam.

BTW, who would get a mortgage from a company that sends spam?

A Very Funny Book

I just finished reading an extremely funny book by Bill Bryson called Notes From A Small Island. It's about his one last trip around Great Britain before he moves back to the States. He's got to be one of the wittiest writers I have ever read. I can't wait to read the one sitting at my desk at work about his travels back the the USA after a 20 year absence. Thank goodness it's at work or else I'd be up till 1 a.m. again trying to read just one last chapter before my eyes cave in. There were parts were I laughed out loud, and I mean really loud, while on public transportation at 7 in the morning! (And I normally do not read on my way into the office, it cuts into my nap time.) But I could not put this book down. I sure wish that I could write like that.

Peter Jennings

There are only two people that I ever wanted to meet, Peter Jennings & Alex Trebek. I thought that those two were the most intelligent and interesting men I had ever seen on TV. But yesterday Peter Jennings lost his short battle with lung cancer. We lost a great Canadian yesterday. I take that back, we lost a great man of the world yesterday. He always said that about himself, he felt like a citizen of the world.

He began his career at CFJR Radio in my hometown Brockville, Ontario. Not Brockton, USA Today. Jeez, the only time my small town will ever be in a national paper and they spell it wrong! But I just checked and they fixed it, thanks to my e-mail. But I digress.

I feel like a old neighbour has died. He was always there, every night, giving me the news in his urbane, smooth way. I liked hearing his Canadian accent as well. I was less homesick.

Everyone says that he was a very intelligent man and had a wicked sense of humour. He never finished high school, the world was his school. I heard him described as a sponge, he absorbed everything around him. That's why I wanted to meet him.

I saw him on TV once giving a speech in front of his peers in Washington. He was witty and didn't hold back any punches. He told a funny story about the difference between Canadians and Americans once. He said that Canadians had a great respect for institutions. And he told a wonderful story to prove his point. And I'm not doing justice to his rendition, but here's what he said: He and his son were coming out of the Skydome, the Blue Jays had just won the World Series. All these people, many who had been drinking, came streaming out onto the street. Suddenly a lone cop held up his hand and blew his whistle to stop the crowd and hundreds of people stood there until the cop said they could go. I love that story!

It's sad that he had to die a needless death. He had quit smoking for 20 years and then started up after 9/11. I guess the terrorists got another one.

Memories

It's been over 20 years since my mother passed away from cancer. She died when I was only 25. I had been in the military and married for just under 2 years. It was a time that I was getting to know my mother as a woman instead of a mom. I feel sad that I missed out on talking to my mom as an equal about all those "womanly" subjects like marriage and kids. Today I listened to a song that she used to play all the time the last year of her life. It was Memory, from Cats, sung by Barbra Streisand. After all these years, I cried my eyes out while I listened to it. It almost seems like yesterday that she died.

Tired

I'm going to be 50 in 3 years and I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. Just the usual question: what have I done with my life? It's so silly really, I've done a lot and there's a lot more to come. But we all go through this silly little phase where we wonder if we've made an impact on the world. Christ, who has time? Quite frankly lately I've just been too tired to make an impact on the world! The last teenager of 4 is going to be the death of me yet. It's the youngest that's always the hardest (speaking from experience since I'm the youngest). But back to me. Why do we go through this feeling that death is stalking me right when life should be settling into a nice routine. We're at the age where we have money to enjoy, the kids are going out on their own, and you have more time for each other. Instead it seems that the years are getting shorter and shorter as we careen towards death. I swear that life did not go this fast when I was young. Last year I didn't get to the beach once. When I first moved out here I was at the beach every weekend. But that was before I had a family and a house to keep up. I was single and free. And what was I doing? Checking out potential husbands at the beach! Aren't we a funny lot, when we are in a family we dream of being single, but when we are single we're trolling for a partner. It's like the girls with straight hair always wishing for curly hair and the curly hair girls wishing for straight hair. We're quite the lot, never satisfied with what we have. I think I'm just a little bored. For the last 5 years I've been going to school, working full-time and in the reserves. Now I've graduated and I retired from the reserves. I'm not used to having free time and only one job. I have to find a hobby. Now that's a hoot, the last thing I need is one more hobby. So what to do about my mid-life crisis? Buy a sports car - no, that's a guy thing. Have an affair - now that's a hoot. Get my master's degree - hmmm...are you nuts! Start my own business. Now that's an idea.

Strange happenings

Eight years ago I was in a terrible divorce. My husband dumped me for a woman that he had known for only a week. He had met her in Daytona during Bike Week. They were married the day after our divorce was finalized. I meanwhile met a wonderful man and started a new life with him and his boys and we're happy to this day. A funny thing happened to everyone that was associated with him and his wife. Less than a year after they were married, he, his wife and a friend of hers was hit by a drunk driver. His wife suffered brain damage and amnesia. She basically didn't know who he was. The friend was okay but she suffered a lot of guilt for changing seats with his wife. His wife eventually left him for the man that she remembered, Dennis. She sued him for divorce and her family sued him for the insurance money, saying that he and the friend were in a conspiracy to keep the insurance money. The insurance money was spent on her recovery and nursing home costs, but they didn't believe him. She had another friend who kept everyone up-to-date on her recovery through her website. In a small world senerio, I accidentally started corresponding with her through a needlework newsgroup before I discovered that she was best friends with my ex's wife. Well a number of years have passed and the strangest thing has happened to all these people. My ex suffers from Epstein Barr syndrome, his wife (now ex wife) is still in a nursing home in the UK. The passenger in the car has passed away from some strange illness, the best friend has also passed away and I just found out that Dennis has incurable cancer and will not survive. These are all people in their late to middle 40s. I find that very strange...strange indeed.

Well someone there is smart

It seems after my rant, the boobs in Washington got smart and let the military take care of their own. The army sure was confused by Washington. Sometimes I wonder about our elected officials. They jump to conclusions without a fact-finding mission. Thank goodness they got smart for once. I just wondered how they could figure out where exactly the "war zone" was over there. Well that's my rant for the day.

Women Warriors

I usually don't watch the show, but last night I watched the Extreme Makeover Home Edition where they built a house for the family of PFC Lori Piestewa. It was a real tear jerker. Sheahomes had a commercial that said, "they are moms, they are daughters, they are sisters, they are friends, they are our inspiration and they are our heroes" It showed pairs of women and at the end they showed PFC Piestewa's photo. As a military woman I am proud of the women that are out there fighting alongside their shipmates and soldiers. And I'm angry that the House Armed Services Committee and the President want women to take a step backwards. They want to close over 1,000 billets that are presently open to women because they are in "combat" zones and they want them behind the lines again. That's so stupid because there is no more "behind the lines" these days. PFC Piestewa was in a supply company and they ended up being shot at. At least let them fight back. I'm my day I was only allowed on supply or auxiliary ships. I thought that was pretty stupid too because all the military history I learned, that's the first ships the enemy hit. The Merchant's Marine was hit hard during WWII (they didn't get any recognition either). The enemy are hitting convoys and supply lines. There is no "front line" anymore in this war or any since WWII. I think the best comment I heard was "You can't tell me I'm not being shot at. You can't tell me I can't handle combat," said Provancha, who has nearly been hit by road bombs, rockets and the chow hall suicide bombing that killed 22 in December. "That was pretty frickin' direct fire if you ask me," she said, holding up a piece of shrapnel. Damn right!

My dog Sophie

My dog amazes me. I call her "Sophie the one-eyed wonder dog". We got her free from the pound because she was what they call a humane adoption. She was squished in the womb and has an underdeveloped head. That's why she was born blind in one eye. The man who dropped her off at the pound when she was 6 months said she was too stupid to potty train. Okay she's a little slow sometimes but we had her trained in a few week. Mind you we need new carpet now, but with 4 teenage boys the beige carpet didn't have an chance anyway! Sophie is part whippet and, we think, part bull terrier. She has a very short lower jaw so we had to get some teeth filed down so she could close her mouth. Where she's not slow is in her running. I have never seen a one-eyed dog that can cut around the table and chairs with such precision. She runs so fast that she's run up the walls. We like taking her to the dog park to meet other dogs and she runs them ragged once she gets over her shyness. It kind of scares her when they come up on her blind side. But when she gets going, they can't keep up. She different from the other greyhounds and whippets that come to the park in that she cuts in and out instead of running a straight line. She's an amazing dog and we love her to death. My husband takes her to Weinersnitzel all the time for hotdogs! Like I said, she's a spoiled dog.

Blah Day

Ever had those days when everything seems blah. Your job is blah, your family is blah, everything is blah. I think I need a new job, a new life, a new something. Mind you I wouldn't want another husband or family, they're exactly what I want. But I sure would like to win a million dollars or something and take them all the Disney World. It's rather silly, I have a job that I like and a life that I like. I live in the perfect city, everyone wants to live here, so I shouldn't have the blahs. But I guess it hits everyone. Speaking of my city, everytime I see the coventioners walking down the street with wonderment on their face I kind of smirk because I live here and you don't. You get to go back to cold snowy Wisconsin while I get to wear short sleeve shirts in January. Life is good after all.

A Country Mourns

A few days ago this man shot and killed four Mounties in Alberta. I was looking at the pictures in the CBS website www.cbc.ca and found them so sad. There were rows and rows of Mounties in their serge uniforms crying. One of them had a twin brother in the Mounties and there was a photo of him saluting his brother's casket as he cried. I have a cousin who was a Mountie, he's retired now. It's a sad time for the country.

It's hard to explain how we feel about the Mounties, they aren't just our national police force, they are more a symbol of our country. I've always had a hard time explaining to my American friends what the Mounties mean to the average Canadian. They are a part of us, of our identity, of our soul. So we all mourn when one dies. I think this is the first time that so many have died at once. They are so respected and honoured in Canada. I remember a story about them that I thought was funny. Back in the 80s the Mounties were caught illegally wiretapping the Mafia. So the law was changed to make it legal. After all, if the Mounties felt they needed to go after the Mafia, then why hinder them?

When I was working for a Florida insurance claims adjuster's office in my early 20s in we used to investigate and reimburse people for stolen items. In the 2 years I worked there, the only time the police found the items was when tourists from Florida were vacationing in Canada and their camera was stolen from their car. We actually got a letter from the Mounties saying they have the camera! I and the other Canadian in the office did a little gloating that day!

We love our Mounties and I pray for the families of these fallen heroes.

Wind Beneath my Wings

It's strange to hear a song that used to remind you of "him" -- you know -- the love of your life who is no more. The song was Wind Beneath my Wings by Gary Morris. The country version before Bette Midler made it a pop hit. I actually liked her version as well, but it was the country version that reminds me of my ex-husband.

Perhaps that should have been a clue. I really didn't like country music and didn't listen to it until I met him and haven't listened to it since the D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Then it seemed that's all I listened to when we were going out. It was the beginning of the slide where I lost my personality. Another obvious clue was that "our" song was You Were Always on My Mind by Willy Nelson, a song about a man who cheated on his wife. How appropriate.

I was just reading a book by the Dali Lama where he's talking about romance and sustained love. He said that passionate, romantic marriages usually don't last, that sustained friendship is the type of relationship that will take you through the years. Eventually the quasar burns out and if there isn't friendship for a base then the marriage is doomed. Funny how a celebrate man has all the answers about love & marriage. Got to love the irony in that.

It was Mark Twain who said that, "You don't know true love until you've been together for 25 years." After the mistake of my first marriage I think I'm beginning to believe that.

My marriage was perfect with a capital P. It was romantic and passionate (people used to think we were newly married the way we carried on). But it was a facade. He was fake and eventually it fell apart. I didn't know about his secret life, just want I wanted to see.

I also didn't realize that my personally was slowly eroding away. I had been a pretty spontaneous, fun loving person when I met him. He on the other hand, didn't like to go to crowded places or couldn't make up his mind on where he wanted to go. Therefore we spent many weekends hanging around the house or going to the mall. We went to the mall (and it was a small dinky mall) about twice a week and wonder around. How pathetic.

We had no children so there was no excuse. He had to work on the house, but he never did. He was a bit of a procrastinator. So I got bored and accepted it.

But it's funny to hear a song that reminds you of that time but instead of being reminded of fun, romantic times, instead you are blank. I can't remember what I saw in him, what sparked that passion that lasted 14 years? And how did it die so fast...well the girlfriend may have had something to do with that! It's sad to think that I had been fooling myself for so long.

Because of the military we spent the first 4 years of our marriage commuting to see each other. The first 2 years I only saw him one weekend a quarter and then only on the weekends the next 2 years. We joked that when we finally got together wouldn't it be funny if we found out we didn't like each other...out of the mouths of babes.

It's so different now, I went into my 2nd marriage with my eyes open and I found a much better partner and lover. We had our annual banquet for work last Saturday. Yesterday someone mentioned to me that they couldn't help but notice how my husband and I were looking at each other throughout the night. We were always looking at each other with love and respect. He was so handsome in his tux and I didn't look too shabby either. She said that we were so obviously in love, even after 6 years of marriage (7 next month). What she didn't see was us fussing at each other in the car because we were lost!

Marriage, got to love it.

Nothing to say...

I have absolutely nothing to say and yet for some reason I want to hit the keys. How strange is that? I guess I'll just ramble. It was amazing to see the Iraqis vote on Sunday. So many of them risked their lives to go to the polling station and they looked so proud when they raised their ink stained finger up in the air to show their pride. I hope the best for them, so many people from our area have lost their lives for them to have the chance for independence and freedom. I'm not a big Bush supporter but after spending 20 years in the military I appreciate what sacrifices the military makes for people to have their freedom. I know that people have the freedom to protest but sometimes I wonder if any of these protesters know how much we sacrifice for them to protest?

Speaking of Bush, I have a few beefs that I want to get off my chest. It's terror not terrer. And, while I'm on my soapbox, the United States is not the only democratic country in the world. I was at a meeting once and the speaker was saying in what other country do you have the freedom and rights to protect your rights. I felt like standing up and saying...duh, Canada. Why do people think that the US is the only country in the world that people have rights and freedom? Canadians have always have rights, that's why when the Americans came knocking in 1776 and 1812 and we said no, thanks.

Off my soapbox now.

People amaze me

Mean people always amaze me. You would think after 40 some-odd years (and counting) that I would become jaded. But no, I'm always amazed when someone, who is not normally an evil person, does something bad on purpose. Something that could affect the health of the woman he supposedly loved. Just because he's a selfish bastard.

I mean I've done some bad things by accident, like cut someone off on the road. And I've even done something a little bad to someone who deserved it (like my ex-husband), but I don't think I've done something bad to someone who was innocent and on purpose. I know that there are phycho people out there, like mass murders, that do bad things for no reason, but I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about a normal human being who, because of his self-centred, selfish personality, endangered the health of the woman he had supposedly loved. To me that in an evil person, because he did it on purpose.

I hope his little weenie falls off.

A Note to Myself...

A Note to Myself...get some milk. One thing I've noticed about blogging, I'm not good at it. One has to sit down at the computer and actually write something..anything. It turns out that I'm too busy to do that, or too lazy. It seemed more interesting to watch the Amazing Race last night (yeah, Jonathan is off!) than to compose my thoughts. Speaking of AR, it's the only reality show I watch. I tend to think that 99% of the reality shows out there are (a) not and (b) boring. But since this one is a race it has its moments. And I have to say that Jonathan and his wife were aggravating. First I wanted to drive up to LA and take him down after he hit his wife. They had the gall to go on TV the next day and say it was the "editing" sure, right. But then her crying and screaming was getting on my nerves. All in all, they deserve each other. One co-worker said he didn't want Jonathan to get eliminated, he wanted him to get hit by a bus! Right on. Talk about some ugly American moments. These people need to get out and see the world. And that one woman who was complaining about the poor people in Africa "breeding" was so... can't even put her ignorance into words.