Wind Beneath my Wings

It's strange to hear a song that used to remind you of "him" -- you know -- the love of your life who is no more. The song was Wind Beneath my Wings by Gary Morris. The country version before Bette Midler made it a pop hit. I actually liked her version as well, but it was the country version that reminds me of my ex-husband.

Perhaps that should have been a clue. I really didn't like country music and didn't listen to it until I met him and haven't listened to it since the D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Then it seemed that's all I listened to when we were going out. It was the beginning of the slide where I lost my personality. Another obvious clue was that "our" song was You Were Always on My Mind by Willy Nelson, a song about a man who cheated on his wife. How appropriate.

I was just reading a book by the Dali Lama where he's talking about romance and sustained love. He said that passionate, romantic marriages usually don't last, that sustained friendship is the type of relationship that will take you through the years. Eventually the quasar burns out and if there isn't friendship for a base then the marriage is doomed. Funny how a celebrate man has all the answers about love & marriage. Got to love the irony in that.

It was Mark Twain who said that, "You don't know true love until you've been together for 25 years." After the mistake of my first marriage I think I'm beginning to believe that.

My marriage was perfect with a capital P. It was romantic and passionate (people used to think we were newly married the way we carried on). But it was a facade. He was fake and eventually it fell apart. I didn't know about his secret life, just want I wanted to see.

I also didn't realize that my personally was slowly eroding away. I had been a pretty spontaneous, fun loving person when I met him. He on the other hand, didn't like to go to crowded places or couldn't make up his mind on where he wanted to go. Therefore we spent many weekends hanging around the house or going to the mall. We went to the mall (and it was a small dinky mall) about twice a week and wonder around. How pathetic.

We had no children so there was no excuse. He had to work on the house, but he never did. He was a bit of a procrastinator. So I got bored and accepted it.

But it's funny to hear a song that reminds you of that time but instead of being reminded of fun, romantic times, instead you are blank. I can't remember what I saw in him, what sparked that passion that lasted 14 years? And how did it die so fast...well the girlfriend may have had something to do with that! It's sad to think that I had been fooling myself for so long.

Because of the military we spent the first 4 years of our marriage commuting to see each other. The first 2 years I only saw him one weekend a quarter and then only on the weekends the next 2 years. We joked that when we finally got together wouldn't it be funny if we found out we didn't like each other...out of the mouths of babes.

It's so different now, I went into my 2nd marriage with my eyes open and I found a much better partner and lover. We had our annual banquet for work last Saturday. Yesterday someone mentioned to me that they couldn't help but notice how my husband and I were looking at each other throughout the night. We were always looking at each other with love and respect. He was so handsome in his tux and I didn't look too shabby either. She said that we were so obviously in love, even after 6 years of marriage (7 next month). What she didn't see was us fussing at each other in the car because we were lost!

Marriage, got to love it.