Little Lexi

This is a sad week for us, on Friday we are putting our sweet dog Lexi to sleep. We found out that she has heart disease and a large tumor in her spleen. We don't know if the tumor is cancerous, but it doesn't matter, at age 13 and with heart disease she wouldn't survive the surgery. She was on borrowed time as it was, six months ago she was diagnosed with Cushing’s Disease. But once she was on the meds for that she has been acting like a puppy until a few days ago when she suddenly lost it. I thought she had a stroke because she couldn’t walk. My stepsons had to carry her into the vet’s office.

So, I called this morning to have a vet come to the house to do the deed on Friday at 1:30 p.m.

At the time it seemed a wise decision to wait until Friday, so hubby has the weekend to recuperate before going back to work. At the time.... but today, Monday, it doesn't seem like a wise decision because I will have a week of second-guessing our decision and spending the day crying. I've cried so much today I think I'm dehydrated. And as usual, she's acting like a puppy again. They always do, it's almost as if the know that the pain will soon be over, and they can frolic again over the rainbow bridge. 

At one time we had three dogs and over the years they have passed on. First our sweet Sophie, about the best dog you could get. She was inquisitive and smart...a little too smart. She was our first dog and for a while our only dog. We lost her in 2015 to bone cancer. Then there was Semper, our big, dumb, lover boy. We inherited him from stepson #3. We lost him to leukemia two years ago. Semper was a gentle giant and the sweetest boy you ever met. He was my big boy and Sophie was daddy's girl. 

And then we were down to one, Lexi. She was also a hand-me-down, from stepson #4. When he moved back home Lexi came with him and then when he moved out, she stayed. Mostly because by that time her eyesight was going, and we felt that a move away from her dog buddies wouldn't be beneficial to her wellbeing. 

Truth be told, at first Lexi was not my favourite dog, she was neurotic and hyper. You couldn't pet her because she would squirm and kick her feet out at you. But over the years, probably due to her failing eyesight, she mellowed out and I started warming up to her. She still didn't like being hugged or petted but we came to a mutual understanding. 

For a dog that I didn't care for at first, I'm mourning her upcoming demise much worse than I did with Semper and Sophie. I think it's because for the last two years it's just been her and I together, day in and day out. Especially the last year due to the pandemic I’ve not left the house much. Whatever room I'm in she's there, lying in the middle of the room, in the way. We've grown close. 

My sister says that I'm also mourning the fact that for the first time in 16 years a dog won't be greeting us at the door demanding a cookie. There's a lot of truth in that, but mostly I'm just sad because my constant companion for the last two years isn't going to be there anymore. 

Both my husband and I have different ways coping with grief. He made an urn for Sophie. I make videos.  

Goodbye Little Lexi.